Sunday, October 15, 2006

Paranoia Survivor Max! 290

I'll try not to get any EMO on you, dear reader. Stand clear, though. Just in case

So very Confused:
- My girlfriend breaks up with me (a few weeks ago).
-We talk, and are mostly back together (maybe a week and a half ago).
-A get-together with friends is organized, and she wants us to act apart (now).

And we're talking SERIOUSLY not together here.

Only NOT QUITE, because I'm still expected to do all the fetching, and fixing, and stuff that boyfriends usually do. Only we're "not together". If she wants us to be 'Friends' or whatever, I really should treat her as I do my other friends (ie. less personal service).

I have been warned (by someone who shall remain title-less) that such WARNING SIGNS are not good, and that I shouldn't spend good effort after bad here. I wanted to hold onto hope, but there is a point where enough is enough.

On the "Friends" note, I really don't think I could do that. I love her, and that's that. It's unfair to her, and I feel it's unfair to me if I have to act as if I do not. She calls foul on this, but then her words are "I could really use you as a friend" (italics are my own). And there's the rub: there's plenty in it for her, but all I can see is something I failed at.

I could use my sense of self-worth back.


I am rather breaking a rule in posting the above, but writing these things down does help put my thoughts in order (at this point you scoff, because my thoughts are by no means orderly in writing. Yeah, well, they're even worse ordered inside my head). To atone for this, I offer some proper food for thought below:

There is an article stub here, which points to animal roots of human morality. The science isn't in the stub (I'll look for the full text, as we have a subscription here), unfortunately, but I'll see what I can come up with.

There is very little logic in separating human emotions, and animal emotions. There is a decided evolutionary advantage if your species is more motivated to succeed. Emotion is a perfect fit for such a factor. The desire to achieve and repeat success is driven by that rush of Victory, and the avoidance of loss is punished by the crushing sensation of Defeat. The thrill of Love may be nothing more than a celebration of genes about to be passed on. Loss may be the feeling of your genes being deemed unworthy by a potential mate. Any emotion has a logical, beneficial function.

With respects to morality, I think it's a question of what is good for the species. Why should that be unique to humans? My dad has argued against this, saying that individual desires outweigh overall survival. If evolution favours the best setup provided through random mutations, than perhaps this balance simply proved most favourable. Adam Smith did suggest that the search for individual success could lead to greater prosperity for all (if memory serves). This raises an interesting point: Is ideology, then, explained by competing genes? If so, what system will be favoured? This is less science, and more philosophy, but the implications rattle the mind a little.

Another thought: Is Brave New World offensive to our senses, because people achieve pleasure through drugs, and shun natural reproduction in favour of selective mass cloning/production? Is our morality offended not by the inhumanity of the system, but by the lack of proper natural selection?

Again, if I'm off my rocker here, feel free to say so. Comments are open to non-members (I trust there will be no SPAMMING)

Until next time, my head will explode in a furious angstsplosion.


shryko said...

.........talking doesn't equal getting back together......

To be honest, take a good, long look at her actions before saying you're back together... elsewise you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak...

I know, because I'm watching it happen time and time again with someone who I was really close to at one point...

and I think you know who I am talking about.

shryko said...

oh, and you are unlike the norm in society... with friends, there's the shoulder to cry on, the mooch/supplier, there's many who need helping hands... it's just you don't have anyone who really fits those categories (which distorts what you are used to)...... I know that she's not looking for anything that wouldn't fit with the aforementioned norms.


The whole thing of morality being based on animal behaviour is quite clear when you actually observe people and how they interact... through observation, it's been noted that the only thing that really sets humans apart from other creatures is abstract thought...

morality/emotions/etc are merely human concepts which animals might not understand, but the animals still live by... Look at wolves, and how they travel in the pack, with a set social structure. Many human groups work in similar ways... And then there are the dolphins which are probably smarter than humans in raw brain power. They travel in groups, and are playful with other animals, and generally are happy-go-lucky creatures. However, whenever they see a threat to themselves, their family, or their friends. Yes, that's right. friends. Dolphins don't think in terms of "friends" or "enemies", but they know there's those who've entered the pod/been accepted by the pod, and there are the threats to the pod/friends. Dolphins will help a creature in need, and protect it.

There's enough proof of similar behaviour that really, every human acts like some animal group, or some combination thereof. we just think of it in a more abstract way...

Star said...

You would think after all the time you spent with me you'd be able to understand what I meant when I said I could "use you" as a friend. I don't have a lot of close friends right now, and I'm not going through the easiest times, my mum's going through chemo and when that's done she's going to have a bigger operation, my sister just moved to england, my dad's going to be away pretty much every week, I have midterms coming up. It would be really nice to still have someone to talk to and go to when things get rough, to have fun with, I'm sorry if you're getting the wrong impression, but I'm confused about things, and you're not giving me time to figure anything out before pressuring me into things. You keep calling me and talking to me and saying you love me, but in the same message you'll say you can't see me anymore because it's "too difficult" how am I supposed to know what to do when I can't understand what you say or what I feel?

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